Merry Christmas, You Have Breast Cancer

After being on the east coast for a month I came home to my annual mammogram appointment.  After an ultra sound I was told there was a suspicious "nodule," and the day before Thanksgiving I had a biopsy. Because of the holidays the results took longer than usual.  Waiting is not my strong suit. 

On Monday, after Thanksgiving, my doctor, called me from home. You know it's not good news when the doctor who is on maternity leave calls you. The suspicion was confirmed.   Merry Christmas, you have breast cancer.  

The doctor who did the biopsy warned me it was very suspicious so I was not totally surprised to hear the verdict, but suddenly the world stood still.  My husband and grandson were outside putting up Christmas lights on the house and I couldn't go out and say, "i have cancer," because I didn't want to tell Dave in front of Kaiden.....so I waited (more waiting).  Did I mention it's not my strong suit?  In the meantime I did tell my daughter, son and daughter-in-law.  When I was finally able to tell Dave, the dam of tears burst.   

At the moment all I know is the lump is small (5-7 millimeters), my lymph nodes are clean and I have an appointment next week (Dec 10th) with a surgeon, here in Fairbanks, who comes highly recommended. So until then I wait again. It seems like a lot of that going on. 

Yesterday I woke up after the best night's sleep I've had for awhile and decided a few things....

• There's nothing I can do between now and my appointment with the surgeon and there's no need worrying over things I don't yet know. 
• So, I feel like I have the week off. The week off from worry, stress, what if's, etc.
• I want to continue to be as active and positive as possible. 
• Be deliberate in counting my blessings and passing them on.  

I have already received so much support, encouragement and love. It all brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart explode in gratitude.  

• Phone calls
• Visits which included hugs and laughter
• A dozen beautiful pink roses
• More blessings of flowers
• MANY text and messages of encouragement
• Scriptures and words of hope
• Written prayers and lots of "I'm thinking of you and praying for you."

I'm reminded that....

• Many others have been on this journey before me.
• I'm surrounded by family and friends who are supporting me with love and prayers.
• My faith in God still holds.
• I'm not alone.

"Lord, You stretch out Your hands to hold me, to purify and heal."

(From "The Other Stars Hover & Wait, Poems & Prayers for Advent" by Carrie Heimer)